Do you ever listen to a song you’ve heard a million times and its as if you’re hearing the lyrics for the first time and all of a sudden you’re having an epiphany? I like to call them song epiphanies…
Every year as soon as the weather gets nice I drive around with my sunroof open, this usually reminds me of when I first got my license and for the first couple of weeks of spring I take a musical trip down memory lane with my iPod which usually consists of Deana Carter and SHeDaisy and a few others…
Recently I have been thinking a lot about the only guy I have ever loved and who subsequently pulverized my heart into pieces so small that I often wonder if my heart will ever be whole again. It’s been years, a lot of years… and yet I still think about him and what was and what could have been and if I will ever feel the way that I felt when I was with him. I buried my feelings about the relationship and never really dealt with them because they were just too painful and raw to even go near much less deal with. After another failed attempt at dating that came to an end last month, a lot of these unresolved feelings came rushing back to me and they were a little overwhelming and I’ve been trying to work through them and deal with them.
Last week, I had my sunroof open and Deana Carter blaring on the way to school… and the lyrics caused me to have an epiphany Is it really him or the loss of my innocence I’ve been missing so much I have heard this song so many times over the past 14 years, it’s one of my top 20 favorite songs and yet it was like I was hearing it for the very first time. Maybe I don’t miss him, maybe it’s just that I miss who I used to be before I had my heart broken in a quadrillion pieces. I miss the girl who had a whole heart, who was able to trust, who was carefree, who had never cried herself to sleep for months on end. I want that girl back, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get all of her back but I hope to at least get most of her back.
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